What's my motivation again?
It's been one of the crappiest mental weeks for me ever and yet I didn't really want to write about it all week. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. *shrugs* I mean, how do I write about Kelly's epic proportion of dirty diapers, Kyle's screaming fit through any and all stores, Ally's constant need to color and then crayon mess afterwards, Emily's bouts of crying at school, and Zach's annoying habit of telling me what to do all the time without sounding like I'm whining? It's just stupid things: Kelly constantly taking off all the Christmas ornaments within her reach, Kyle eating all the sliced cheese, Ally and Emily jumping on their bed when their suppose to be sleeping, Zach demanding every single item advertised on TV for Christmas.
I'm not really enjoying life. Like on Wednesday, there was a beautiful sunset here and I thought to myself, sheesh I'd really like to take a moment to watch that. But I couldn't because we were running late to hockey practice because Kyle wet his pants and Kelly made a poopy diaper right as we were heading out the door. That was after the lovely tasks of getting the kids from school, snacks, homework assignments done, and the hockey gear together. All that to sit in a cold ice arena for an hour with 4 children who wanted to do anything but sit still.
This morning the kids have a scheduled 2 hour delay for school. So of course they were out of bed an entire hour earlier than our normal wake up time. Kyle, who I've had to wake up at the last minute to toss in the van in his PJ's to take the kids to school all week, was the first up. It's like Chinese water torture on my tired brain. Or one of my favorite quotes: "Raising children is like being pecked to death by ducks."
I don't want to cook, I don't want to clean, I don't want to fold and put away laundry, I don't want to spell "bear" and "Barbie" one more time, I don't want to answer emails, I don't want to change diapers, I don't want to think about Christmas, I don't want to make phone calls, I don't want to do anything. I just want to sit quietly all alone for several hours in a nice clean spot. And maybe sleep. I need a break from the constant demands of everyone in my life.
Why do I always have these break downs at the worst possible times? I can't take a break from anything. This weekend we'll be in Erie, PA for a family Christmas party. Today I need to bake a cheesecake, do laundry, pack, and wrap presents for that. After of course I get everything together for the kids' school Christmas parties today while keeping Kyle and Kelly from destroying everything. Tomorrow bright and early, the fun begins: 6 hours in the van, trying to keep the kids nice and presentable and out of trouble at the party, trying to get them to sleep in a hotel room, and on Sunday 6 hours back home in the car so that I can do more laundry and deal with tired and cranky kids because they didn't sleep in the hotel room and were stuck in the van for 12 of 48 hours. Mental butterflies and daisies, let me tell you.
I'll muddle through, I always do. I guess it's good to vent since there's nothing else I can really do to change any of the above. I'll get my pecking ducks in a row and go on, trying to shrug off the mental hits of daily life along the way. Greg said something about a trip to the Bahamas in a few months, just the two of us. Warm beaches, drinks with little umbrellas, no one yelling "MOM!" So if I look a little spacey for awhile, I'm day-dreaming of a tropical island. Or Brad Pitt. One or the other. *shrugs*
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