• Perspective: This one can be tough for me because I live very much in the moment. But as a 3rd time parent (or more), you have an advantage over 1st time parents. You know that cutting teeth lasts a couple of weeks or that your child really will be at least day timed potty trained by kindergarten. So remember to put those difficult tedious moments into perspective:
  
  "Will this really matter in a year, next month, tomorrow?" Yeah it might if Junior just burnt the house down. But a clogged toilet or a lipstick covered comforter doesn't really matter in the long run. Right now it's a pain but in a few weeks, the kids will have done something even more crazy, err I mean you'll have forgotten that incident. Kids really aren't trying to drive you insane, it's just a by-product of being a kid.
  
  This idea also works with tedious growth periods like colic, teething, terrible twos, etc. With Kelly, it almost made me sad to think "this time next year, she won't need night time nursings." A year makes a huge difference in the behavior of a child. And since time goes by so quickly (except post office lines in December when your children start telling everyone your age, weight, the curse words you said this morning, etc), a year is really nothing. In a year, your toddler probably won't be drinking from the dog bowl or your preschooler asking "Why?" every 30 seconds. Just try not think about all the other crazy things they could be doing in a year.
  
  
• Get Away from the Kids: This can be as small as locking yourself in the bathroom for 5 minutes or as nice as a long weekend vacation with your spouse (remember that big person who steals the covers at night?). Plan something and then when the kids go haywire, remind yourself that in 2 hours, 3 days, a month, whatever, you will get a break.
  
  Since I rarely have a babysitter, my "away" time is bedtime. A set bedtime can be a very wonderful thing. I often find myself mentally calculating the minutes until they are asleep and I don't have to watch Noggin on TV or sing the "Itsy Bitsy Spider" anymore (until tomorrow, that is).
  
  Time away from the kids is not selfish! Remember that person you used to be before kids? Now that person was selfish. Going to bed without tucking someone else in, eating meals at the proper temperature, reading a paper that hadn't been torn apart by a child who wanted to look at the comics. You are practically a saint in comparison! I bet even Mother Teresa took breaks from helping to the poor to get her nails done. Plus your kids are probably tired of you too and would appreciate a change of adults as well.
  
  
• Drugs: Not the illegal type! But there's a reason the stereotypical Mom of the 50's always had a martini or a bloody mary in hand depending on the time of day. If you exposed your immune system to hundreds of bacteria and viruses, chances are very good that you are going to get seriously ill. Every day your mental state takes a similar beating. Whiny sick kids, colicky babies, food fights, exploding diapers, temper tantrums, toy clutter... See why that solitary room at the asylum looks so inviting? Your "drug" can be anything that gives you a mental pick-me-up: a glass of wine, music, shopping, chocolate, sex, ice cream, hobbies, a walk through a beautiful park.
  
  If you still feel too stressed or depressed every day, seek medical help. There is definitely no shame in it. Like I said, mental stress is a kissing cousin to physical illness. A pill can get rid of Strep Throat, a pill can also help you see sunshine and rainbows instead of doom and gloom. You will feel calmer and be a much better parent to your children. And in the end, that's all that matters. Being the best parent you can be and enjoying life.

• Cook two meals. Personally I use this one a lot. It is a little more work but it cuts down on wasted food if I serve the kids spaghetti & meatballs instead of the lasagna for Greg and I. The trick is to keep either the main dish the same and change out the side items for kid friendly fare or keep the side items and substitute the main item. So in my example above we'd all have the garlic bread and salad.
  
  
• Keep it simple. You've probably noticed that I say this a lot. Kids for the most part are simple creatures. The whole world is still so new to them that it's best to keep it as least confusing as possible. So they aren't going to appreciate the 15 ingredient casserole or the 11 herb spiced chicken. I'm not saying you can't let your inner gourmet loose once and awhile. But if you aren't a big fan of cooking (which I'm not) the kids will be just as thrilled with a simple hamburger and fries as with beef wellington and grilled eggplant.
  
  
• The One Bite Rule. Back to your inner gourmet... Occasionally you will be so sick of making two meals or eating bland chicken that you'll make an elaborate dinner. Which the kids will of course refuse to eat. Especially if the ingredients in the dish aren't easily identified or it has a funny name like stromboli. My philosophy is life is too short to fight with your kids over a meal. So one bite and they are off the hook for that particular item. There's always a chance they will like it. My kids adore asparagus after I enforced The One Bite Rule the first time I served it. Who would have guessed that one?
  
  A reverse psychology technique that works wonders is to not put any of the questionable item on their plates and instead only on yours. And then magically, they will want it. My kids wouldn't touch stir fry chicken with veggies when I served it to them for dinner. But a week later when I only made it for Greg and I, they polished off my plate and asked for seconds. Kids...
  
  
• Table Manners and Eating Out. I grouped these together but table manners matter the most when eating out. A thrown biscuit at home is one thing but at "Fancy Restaurant that is Not McDonald's"? Yeah, not so cute there. One word: Practice. Practice at home a lot. Eventually it'll not only make eating out easier but meal times at home will be more pleasant too. Pick one manner that you feel is important for the kids to learn and work on only that one until they catch on. Then move on to the next with reminders of the previous one. Don't throw all the rules at them at once. You'll get indigestion and they won't learn a thing other than Mommy's eye twitches funny when she's frustrated. They didn't learn to walk in one day, they aren't going to pick up Miss Manner's Dinner Etiquette in one meal either.
  
  The next step is to eat out where it's okay if they fall apart. Again, McDonald's works well here. Actually McDonald's can be tougher than a "Fancy Restaurant that is Not McDonald's" because in a fast food joint, many of the other children there will be acting up. Other parents' thinking: it's okay because it's McDonald's. But actually it's not. Little kids' minds don't easily differentiate between McDonald's and "Fancy Restaurant that is Not McDonald's". If they can be crazy at one place during a meal, why can't they do it at another? Yeah, yeah, I'm a mean mom but the multiple compliments I receive from other diners after dinner at "Fancy Restaurant" are sooo worth it. And most kids do like to please their parents so I pass the compliments onto them. Double. And with a cherry on top. A few tips:

  Go when the kids are rested. Tired and cranky children can't be on their best behavior even for all the ice cream in Baskin Robbins.
  
  Bring their own utensils. Depending on how upscale your "Fancy Restaurant" is, they may have lidded cups, bibs, and smaller sized utensils. Or they may be out. This is not a good time to take chances.
  
  Bring small quiet distractions and snacks while you wait for the food. This is when your fully stocked Diaper Bag can save your life. But be prepared to leave early in case of horrible misbehavior. We all have our bad moments. Or if it's an event you can't leave, exit for a few minutes of quiet time.
  
  I rarely ask for the kids' food to be brought out minutes ahead of mine (some servers will offer) because they will finish eating quickly and be ready to go before you've taken your first bite of filet mignon. However don't let them bring the kids' food out last either because no matter how hard they try not to, they will be upset that their food isn't in front of them when yours is.

1. My husband has way too many shoes.
   
2. My kids have way too many toys (okay, maybe I knew this one before).
   
3. If someone says they will install your new range on the next rainy day, it will literally not rain during the day for an entire month.
   
4. Even in the sleepy half sick fog I'm in, I still can manage to keep the house from falling apart.
   
5. Root Planning doesn't sound nearly as fun as Vacation Planning.
   
6. I still don't like dentists, phone calls, and now trying to find a baby sitter for my root planning appointment.
   
7. Dealerships never offer a van as a loaner when working on another van. (Uh yeah, my 5 kids will all fit in this little 4 door coupe. *sarcasm*)
   
8. New carpet really is worth all the hassle of moving furniture and ripping up the old carpet.
   
9. I miss scrapbooking.
   
10. I'm not very good at applying self tanner. *hides blotchy legs in jeans*

"That's right folks, feeding someone is an act of caring. We will always be fed best by those that care, be it ourselves or the aforementioned friends and family. We are fat and sick and dying because we have handed a basic, fundamental and intimate function of life over to corporations. We choose to value our nourishment so little that we entrust it to strangers... This is insanity."

"Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing." -Phyllis Diller

• Do a little bit every day all day long.  After every meal I immediately fill the dishwasher and wipe everything in the kitchen down. Spending 5 minutes a few times saves me from a half hour (or longer) clean up at the end of the day when I'd rather veg out on the sofa with the kids and their library books. Along this same theory, when I leave a room, I'll grab a couple of misplaced items and put them back where they belong.
  
  
• Do one big weekly cleaning session.  Borrowed from FlyLady's Weekly Home Blessing Her plan lasts about an hour but with kid interruptions, mine is usually spread out over a morning. Make a list of 6 or 7 things that need done at least once a week and then pick a day to do them. My day is usually Thursday morning and my list is: mop & sweep the floors, vacuum, dust, water the plants, take out the trash, and bathrooms. You'll probably find yourself doing a few of those tasks more often during the week but it's a relief to know it'll get done at least once later so you can go back to kissing those cute baby cheeks now.
  
  
• Simplify.  Get rid of clutter, you'll have less to clean up and around. Use less products, I mainly use 4: Clorox wipes, powder Comet, Windex, and Pledge. There are all sorts of fancy products out there but I've found that Comet and a damp sponge work better and faster than all those sprays. If you have special floors (Pergo mops up with hot water!) or surfaces then use what they suggest but in most cases try to get by with less. Less is more! Unless it's dandelions picked by your 2 year old.
  
  
• Accept it's not going to be perfect.  The idea is to have a healthy "clean enough" house and plenty of time to enjoy your children. Sure the light fixtures may be "frosted" (my term for dusty) and there's some cobwebs along the ceiling but those never killed anyone. Pick the areas that are a priority for you to be clean (mine are the kitchen and bathrooms) and let the other things slide (like fingerprints on windows and dust on the mini-blinds). There will be lots of time to keep those clean when the kids are out of the house. *sobs*

• Painting woodwork trim and second coat on the doors
• Cleaning the bathrooms
• Boxing up scrapbook supplies
• Laundry
• Paying bills
• Replacing door knobs
• Breakfast
• Fixing the mulch that the 2 dumb dogs dug up again

"we were upgrading something totally unrelated to the picture hosting service but oops! something went wrong and you can't access your pictures right now. And even though you pay way too much money for this service, we don't know how long it'll be down."

• Put away the breakables- This can be a touchy subject because many parents start out with the belief that a child should grow up learning how to be careful around Great Great Grandma's antique china and Mom & Dad's precious Aztec Indian artifacts found on their exotic honeymoon in Mexico. However I will be blunt. Do you ever want to have the remote possibility of showering without 3 or more children standing in the bathroom with you? Then please pack away the fancy breakable stuff for a few years. Even placed on a high shelf probably isn't safe enough because every toy has the remarkable ability to become an airplane. This step will save both you and your child the heartache of Aunt Zelda's porcelain poodle figurine being broken during an innocent game of Lego Thunderstorm.
  
  
• Put away everything you don't want your children playing with or eating-Little kids see everything as either a toy or something to eat. You might think your children won't want to play with your 100+ CD collection when they have every toy sold in Toys-R-Us but they will. There are not many more tedious tasks out there than matching up 100+ fingerprinted CDs to cracked jewel cases and torn song lyric books. And just wait until the toddler feeds kitty litter to the baby. Which is oddly non-toxic but call your pediatrician and watch for signs of constipation. I also recommend keeping all writing utensils under lock and key. Or stock up on WD-40 (takes crayon off everything), finger nail polish remover (for non-washable markers), and Mr. Clean Magic Erasers (for pen and anything else).
  
  
• Gates- Another sensitive item. Who wants to live in cages? But if you find yourself constantly corralling the children back into one area of the house or yelling at them to stay out of a certain room because of Mommy's scrapbooking supplies or Daddy's home office, invest in a few gates for your own sanity. You should already have one at the top or bottom of all stairs anyway. Besides the two for the stairs, I also have a gate for my kitchen and another for the front room which serves as my scrapbooking area. You're on your own keeping the little monkeys from climbing over the gates though.

• Furniture- Sofa and chairs should be washable slipcovers or leather. Slipcovers are wonderful because when they get really messy, throw them in the washer and dryer and voila, clean! You totally skip steam cleaning or spot shotting. Patterned fabrics also hide stains better than solid colors.
  
  Buy sturdy wood furniture (because you know they will climb on it even though you've said one million and six times not to) and get rid of that glass & metal coffee table.
  
  Also no fabric in the kitchen/dining room! (a washable tablecloth is permitted, even better a vinyl/flannel backed picnic type one) Everyday I curse our fabric covered kitchen chairs. *#&@^!)%
  
  
• Walls- Obviously you have them and they are going to get fingerprinted and dinged. White is actually okay because every color is going to show fingerprints. (There's no "Kids' Fingerprints" shade of paint, I asked.) However I don't recommend dark colors because when the walls get dinged (and they will), the white drywall is going to stick out like a sore thumb until you can spackle and repaint. Light shades of any color work well, just keep either an extra pint of paint for touch-ups or the paint formula.
  
  Wallpaper is tricky because first it's a pain to put up and then nearly impossible to fix if torn or badly stained. I'm also not a big fan of chalkboard paint. Sure they may understand that they can only write on that wall at home but what about Cousin Fred's dark green painted hunting lodge? Save that paint for when they are school-aged and no longer psycho 2 year olds coloring themselves with black Sharpies.
  
  
• Accessories- Ah... Remember those pre-kid days when you and your spouse would shop all afternoon for the perfect complimenting lamp and picture frame to set on an end table? Yeah, me neither...
  
  Following the SIMPLE theme, the minimalist look is great here. You have to be some sort of masochist to decorate Victorian style with 3 or more kids under 6 years old in the house. We literally had nothing on our coffee & end tables for years until six months ago when I desperately dug out a reading lamp to set on one table after the overhead light bulb burnt out in the family room and I couldn't take the 5 children out through the blizzard snow storm to buy a replacement. The lamp is still there although it gets knocked over on a daily basis.
  
  Pillows are great accents but only for those with children who don't think they belong on the floor and not the sofa. And there's always the obvious problem of pillow fights.
  
  Books and magazines are iffy. Definitely put away the first addition Dickens because Junior will want to read it while you are doing something frivolous like using the potty by yourself and his arm will get bumped as he turns a page and it'll rip.
  
  Picture frames, hang on a wall at least, not set someplace where they can be carried off by a young child (use your imagination for what happens next). Hanging art is actually one of the few decorating ideas that I recommend. My kids completely ignore it in favor of hiding under the rugs. Just in case, use heavy duty hangers.
  
  Most decorating shows recommend candles as accessories but never let the kids know that they can be lit or you will be playing "Happy Birthday-Let's Blow out the Candles" for mind-numbing hours until the candle is gone. Or worse, you'll find out if your smoke alarm really does work.
  
  I'm probably the exception but live plants are actually a good accessory in my house. I should clarify, pothos plants do well in this house. Kyle did knock over a container once but in 7 years to have a little green in the house, I'd have to say it's worth it. Keep above kid level so they aren't digging in the dirt.
  
  
• Floors- I swear I'm not getting kickbacks from the company but I love Pergo. Looks like hard wood but without the maintenance or possible splinters. Washes up with water. And nothing stains Pergo, even dried oil based paint (man, I freaked when Kyle made that mess but true to their word, it came off). I'd Pergo the walls if I could (see I love it so much, I made it a verb).
  
  I personally have a love/hate relationship with carpet. There's something to be said about stretching out with the kids on the carpeted floor to play Candy Land. But then someone pukes or walks in with muddy shoes and I remember why I hate carpet. If you must have carpet, plan to have it cleaned every year and replace it all after the kids get past the pukey/muddy shoes stage (please don't tell me they don't, a girl needs her fantasies). I don't have any real experience with other flooring options, explore at your own risk.
  
  
• Window Treatments- I mention these because some people might have nosy neighbors or not be exhibitionists like their children. Mini-blinds seem to be the way to go, being cheap, easy to install and replace, and they match everything. Just do that thing with the cords so the kids don't hang themselves. Valances are great but full drama stage floor length draperies are just begging for trouble.

• a complete change of clothes for anyone who is not completely potty trained or age 4, whichever comes last. *Bonus* a shirt for you for when the baby spits up or the toddler rubs his/her snotty nose on you
• ziplock baggies or grocery store plastic bags, for the dirty clothes or used diaper when there's no trash can available. Also good for keeping various items together (i.e. not lost at the bottom of the Diaper Bag when you really need it) or potentially leaky items from goo-ing up the rest of the Diaper Bag
• a First Aid kit with cartoon character band-aids, various children medications (baby Oralgel, Tylenol, Motrin, cold medicine, etc) and a bottle of Extra Strength Tylenol for adults (trust me, you'll thank me for that one).
• any special food and utensils required (baby formula and bottles, jarred food, sippy cups, spoons, bibs) that can't be bought at McDonalds. *Bonus* lollipops, fruit snacks, and crackers for bribes at the store and when the stupid teenage server at TGI Fridays is taking too long with the appetizers
• bottle of hand sanitizer. A trip to the port-a-potty at the fair when newly potty trained child can't hold it any longer? Enough said.
• a notepad and pencil for writing down directions, To Do lists, phone numbers, and its most important job, a doodle pad for bored children. *Bonus* crayons and coloring books
• quiet toys, emphasis on "quiet". You do not want to bring attention to yourself at cousin Sue's wedding when the children are tired of looking at the program. examples: Little People figures, Barbie dolls (clothing optional), hot wheel cars, a deck of cards, finger puppets, picture books. Legos and McDonalds Happy Meal toys will do in a pinch but Legos have a habit of being thrown at my house (which is why balls are a huge no-no!) and Happy Meal toys often break when you need them the most. And there is nothing worse than a cranky child with a broken toy.

• "lovelys" also known as that Must-Have-*cries*-"I-want-my!" blanket, stuffed animal, pacifier
• umbrella
• sunscreen, bug spray, chap stick
• digital camera
• spare house and car keys
• hair brush and hair things for girls
• hand towel and washcloth
• child safety scissors, nail clippers, nail file
• cartoon movie and children songs CD
• bottled water
• flash light (I really don't know why but I have one in the Diaper Bag so I must have needed it at some point)
• And since you probably don't want to jungle the Diaper Bag and 3 (or more) children and a purse, skip the purse and toss in your wallet, day planner, cell phone, sunglasses, and feminine products (if you're a Dad, you should still pack these for your wife, in case of an emergency, she'll be eternally grateful).