I'm not in the mood to type out fluffy stuff to cover up the crappy stuff I should be writing about. Not that I really want to write about it. I hate it when bloggers go all underground about huge chunks of their lives but I guess that's what I need to do too. So I suppose I understand their need for privacy about some matters. And even if I did want to share, I can't because of the readership here and the parties involved in the crappy stuff. Don't feel lost, I'm not sure that all makes sense to me at the moment either.
Things aren't always as they seem. And of course you only get one side of the story and even then only the part the blogger feels willing to share with you. I'm not saying I've ever lied here (I have too many close friends and family readers who would call me out on that) but I don't mention a lot of things and I'm probably the best pretender in the world. Fake it til you make it! Course my therapist points out that's not a great way to go through life.
Ah, the therapy. I've only had one session with two different people (I'm going with door number 2) but they both caught on right away to this bad habit of mine. Pretend it doesn't matter, pretend things are better, pretend it won't hurt my feelings, pretend I don't have feelings at all. One even gave me a book to read about how women deceive themselves. So the blinders are off. And oh geez... I feel like I just realized my house was built out of straw and the big bad wolf is coming down the lane.
But things are okay. Doh, I'm not allowed to pretend anymore. Things are mostly okay. I'm trying to think through everything a little at a time so "reality" isn't so overwhelming. Am I really happy? Is this relationship what I thought it was? Did I have the normal boring childhood I thought I did? (I'm pretty sure the answers are "sometimes, not really, and even if I didn't, I'm not dealing with it now"). I'm trying very hard not to chicken out on this process. I've never been a big fan of change or drama and now I'll have to deal with both. It's enough to make me want to hide in the bathroom of my straw house and ignore the wolf huffing and puffing at the front door.
And of course, there's other stuff. But since this is a blog by me, I'll keep it to my issues only for the time being. And just because I post fluff for a few days in a row doesn't necessarily mean I'm hiding anything, I'm usually a fluff type blogger anyways.
So I suppose that's all right now from "katiefleck's mini mental health crisis of 2005." We'll be returning shortly to your regular schedule of cute kid pictures and crafty project ideas.
Quote of the Day: "Illusions commend themselves to us because they save us pain and allow us to enjoy pleasure instead. We must therefore accept it without complaint when they sometimes collide with a bit of reality against which they are dashed to pieces." -Sigmund Freud
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