I'm not particularly enjoying this therapy crap. One of the biggest issues seems to be that I don't express emotion very well ("no drama!" is my motto) and that I tend to clam up with my feelings are hurt or I'm angry. I just absorb the pain, push it away in my mind, and move on. What's the point of making a big deal about everything? No drama!
The therapist wants me to express these emotions and hurts. So I tried. And I swear it makes everything worse. No matter if the "I feel ... when you..." statements are used, the unhappiness with the other person is still pointed out and they become upset. This is stupid, why can't I just go back to pretending everything is okay until I believe it and not hurt other people in the process. So I'm annoyed for a little bit, it's better for me to deal with it alone than express my annoyance and therefore upset everyone. And then I have to deal with the upset people afterwards and it's my fault they are upset which makes me feel even crappier and wishing I had just kept my mouth shut. I think I'm more frustrated trying to explain my emotions/thoughts than I was when I just kept everything to myself.
So I'm very, very sorry to everyone that I've explained myself badly to recently. I'm trying but I feel I'm doing a miserable job and making everything worse instead of better. I'm sorry.
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