I'm losing it again.
Motherhood is not pretty. Especially not in August.
The kids... The house...
The kids want to do fun things. But they make it so difficult. For example today: "Get together your library books, we'll go to the library." And they can't find one book. (Before you suggest it, yes I do have a designated spot for library books. Seems to work about as well as putting ribbons on frogs.) So I help them look for it. I can't find it. And meantime Ally's now watching TV and Kyle and Kelly are dumping the new school glue all over the furniture. WHY?!?!?
I want a clean house, I need the clean house. And yet the kids do everything they can to keep this from happening. Can't they see that the more messes they make takes time away from the fun stuff we could be doing because I have to clean up? And for the love of pete, when I tell them to put away their stuff so we can go somewhere, why does it take hours and so much arguing to pick up a dozen toys that would take me 5 minutes?
And the fights... This one drives me nuts. Em and Ally can pinch, smack, and kick each other all day long but the second Kyle bumps one of them, they are screaming bloody murder. Emily's the worst, she had this screeching fake cry she's been using that will stop the instant she's distracted by something else or if I don't answer quick enough. Why must they pick on each other so much? Is it really that much fun to hurt each other and then yell about it? I don't understand.
Everything seems to be backfiring on me: today's library trip (probably not happening now, I have to make sure I have all the glue cleaned up and they still haven't found the book, they probably aren't even looking), the IKEA's playroom, and don't get me started on yesterday's grocery shopping. Ally holding her nose and making gross comments through the produce aisle, Kelly knocking over a display of apples and then knocking over several glass jars of applesauce (I don't know how but none broke), Kyle climbing into the meat coolers, and Zach deciding halfway through the store that we must be done and starting towards the deli for the free sample cookie. (Emily was at the learning center.)
It's like why do I even bother? I should just let them watch TV and play video games all day. I'll get rid of all the toys so they don't have to pick them up, I'll go to the library by myself (man, I really wanted to go to the library today), and they can eat delivery pizza on paper plates for every meal.
It's not that I need the kids to go away. I need them to understand. I don't know how else to teach them that hitting is not good even though I say and do all day long: "Hitting is not good, you will get in trouble and go to time-out/lose computer privileges/etc." I need them to understand that throwing their toys all over the freaking house is not the way to get me to take them to the children's museum. And why is it so difficult to brush their teeth without completely destroying the bathroom every night?
Today I'm just so tired of trying. There are spots on the carpet I just cleaned, the kitchen floor needs mopped again minutes after I finished, and we can't even make it out of the house because Emily called Kyle a baby and he hit her and he's now sitting on his bed in time-out and Kelly peed in her underwear.
25 more days until school starts. And I'm beginning to think that $8865 a year is very reasonable for preschool.
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