I've decided I can never become Famous.
It's a bit of a sad realization but after watching Victoria Beckham coming to America yesterday (I was uploading files to my server, so not wasting time "surfing the internet"!) and then reading several old issues of US Weekly and People during one and a half hours this morning at the dentist's office waiting room while the kids' teeth were cleaned, I just couldn't hack it as a Famous person.
(For those in the back laughing at how silly it is that I could ever even think there's a remote chance of me being Famous, shush! Cause I can write a killer run on sentence without dangling participles. So there.)
Point one on why I can never be Famous with photo evidence at Flickr (and also why I will no longer be uploading pictures of myself) is I have a wardrobe of like 4 outfits. Now I own more clothes than that, I just wear about 4 outfits. I can see an E! Daily News blurb on it now: "Katie Fleck wears the pink polo with white skirt again! Will she wear the sleeveless navy blue polo with her olive green capris or red & white tanks with running shorts tomorrow?" (My fourth outfit is black & white tank tops with any of the above bottoms.) Basically I have no fashion sense. If I ever accidentally become Famous I'm hiring a stylist before I call my mom to tell her that I'm Famous. Seriously I don't want to be on the Worst Dress list every week because I look like a blind 2 year old dressed me from the clown's reject store.
Point two, I wear underwear. (Or as Victoria Beckham calls them, "knickers." Those British are so adorable!) 'Nuff said.
Point three, I can totally see why Famous people are always attacking photographers with umbrellas and spit. Cause dude, if I had people following me when I took the kids' to the dentist, I'd be pissed off too. I'd probably be brought up on charges within a week of becoming Famous because I had kicked a paparazzi after being annoyed with them taking pictures of me as I tried to buy a 20oz Mountain Dew at the 7/11.
Point four, I accidentally make goofy faces a lot. I totally get why Famous people always have that blank stony look on their faces. They can't chance a photograph with a weird expression pasted all over the next Enquirer.
Point five, only God's knows why I'd end up Famous, because I'm really a boring person. Heck I don't even know why anyone besides my dad reads here. So I'd be interviewed by Barbara Walters and the only interesting part of the whole thing would be the part where I cry (because she always makes people cry). The rest? You might as well go read the back of your shampoo bottle instead. (Lather, rinse, repeat. There, I saved you the trip.)
Point six, along the same lines as being boring, I'm also really crappy at meeting new people and talking. Especially talking. I never have any idea how to start a conversation and then what to say next and I also laugh at inappropriate things ("My dog died last week" "Oh that's so sad, hehe!"). I think I would have to give up talking or pay a PR person gobs of overtime clearing up stupid things I said but didn't mean.
The one thing I do have going for me in the Famous person department is that I'm a bit of a goofy driver (but not DUI's or illegal drugs so that diminishes my potential a little bit). The press loves dumb stuff like hitting fire hydrants. Or school buses. Or breaking things on the vehicle itself. Maybe I should look into hiring a driver along with the stylist and PR person.
Basically I'd be an awful Famous person. So don't vote for me, vote for the other guy. And keep that camera out of my face, I have a 12 passenger van and I'm not afraid to use it. (Also? Maybe I really should think about going clothes shopping...)
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