I'm still trying to get the hang of 2008. Or at least that's what I'm trying to blame my latest neurosis on.
It's been a weird month for me, most of which I haven't blogged about because hello, who wants to listen to an over-privileged stay at home mom with healthy children and a hardworking spouse whine? I mean there are people out there who were just diagnosed with cancer, whose spouse is going overseas with the military, or have recently lost their job. So really my life is all hunky dory and I should just get over myself already.
Still I need to learn to cut myself some slack sometimes. I'm not sure why but I've been really hard on myself these last few weeks. Like freaking out about the 5 lbs I gained over the holidays on top of the 5 lbs I gained over the fall on top of the 5lbs I gained when I quit "dieting." My doctor isn't even concerned but I'm rather upset about it. It's a clothes thing too because now most of my clothes don't fit well for the first time ever while not pregnant, hence the freaking out. I'm also due (overdue really) for some new clothes but I don't want to buy "this new larger size". And unfortunately 15lbs aren't going to go away overnight as much as I wish they would. Dieting and exercising is something I just haven't wanted to find the time to do this month. So I'm wearing old clothes that don't fit and feeling rather yucky about it all.
See what I mean about inconsequential whining? Who cares about me and my 15lbs when there are women out there with 100lbs to lose?
I'm also finding the little things very overwhelming. Like the Scouts schedules got away from me at the beginning of the month and another dad stepped in with the Cub Scouts stuff while I canceled two Girl Scout events. I didn't like either, I like to be able to do it all myself. (At this point Steph tells me to hang up the Superwoman cape because it's going to strangle me.) Blue Kitty Designs has been humming along at a good pace with a few snags here there (mostly taxes/finding receipts and dealing with fabric supply back orders and decisions about future marketing). The house is in reasonable shape, the kids have been healthy for the most part, and Greg's been in town (until this upcoming week, drat). So yeah, I really have nothing to complain about.
I guess another issue is I'm just not bouncing back from the little set backs as quickly as usual and that bothers me. Good example was this morning. While updating my Raverly profile last night (which I don't think you can see if you aren't a member, sorry. It's a yarn/knitting thing so you aren't missing much), I realized that I'd really love to start two new quick knitting projects. The yarn for both could easily be bought in a local yarn shop so I wouldn't need to pay and wait for shipping with an online order. I checked the local shops' websites and since Greg was going out of town today at noon, I found one that opened at 10am so I could shop in peace (i.e. without any children). After all my lovely planning, I quickly put away the breakfast dishes this morning, gathered my patterns, and set off. And the shop was closed. They had new hours that they hadn't updated on their website. And I burst into tears. I was so terribly disappointed and upset. Over yarn. Which is completely unlike me because I don't think I over react to things very often. In fact, I think I tend to "under react" most of the time. This is all very weird.
Anyway so this is where I am right now. In a decent environmental state, so-so physical state (damn 15lbs), and an odd mental state. I think I need to find my perspective again. It's like I need a reset button. I need to improve my mindset so those stupid little things don't matter too much and then to keep myself moving forward through decisions and annoying tasks I don't want to do. I think I may also be over thinking things. The irony in that last sentence is not lost on me.
So there, now I have it all out in the open and it's time to move on. I will drink less Mountain Dew tomorrow and exercise more (I already took a walk with the kids this afternoon, go me.) I will plan the calendar and our schedule better next month. I will bribe Kelly with something and take her to the yarn shop one day this week (calling to check if they are open first!). I will try to keep an eye on the big picture and know that even though I'm still going to be stressed occasionally, the really important things are alright in my life. My kids, Greg, my family and friends.
I'm writing off the last 27 days as a fluke. 2008 officially starts now.
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